Small penises have feelings too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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