I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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