Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
