youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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