i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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