I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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