This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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