So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
