What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize