theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
