just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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