Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
