I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
