Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
