You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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