Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
