I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
