i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
