I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
