I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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