If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
