How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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