how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
