Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
