Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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