and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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