Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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