Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
