My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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