I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
