I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
