Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
either way he was missing a nipple.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
