since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
