U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
