Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was like eating out sand paper
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
