I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
