Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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