That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
