In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
