apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
