you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
