Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
