I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
