two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
