The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
