What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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