so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
