have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
