you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
