My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize