there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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