I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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