Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this hospital has no fireball
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
