Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
