Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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