there was a trapeze. enough said
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize