It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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