Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
