you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
