the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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