2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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