Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize