I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
