Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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